Anonymous Confession (#773)
"It feels like all the progress I've been making in basically everything didn't work. I struggled so much to get things healthier, more stable, and now I find out basically none of it worked. The only difference is that I don't hate who I am, I just hate my body, how I deal with things, and the way the world is right now. I've been stuck in a pit of shittiness for weeks now, I don't even remember when it first started, hoping that short term relief will just buy me time until I have a clear enough head to approach things from a healthy perspective. That's what I always do, and while it is awful until I get to that moment, it usually works. But it feels like as time goes on I'm just recieving more problems, more stress, and so much more pressure. It's been weeks and I have come up with one way that could help me feel better about one problem, even though it is far more likely to make it worse, and I know I'm going to feel awful leading up to it, awful during it, and chances are awful after it. I'm confident eventually I'll get in that state of mind where I can fix things, but short term relief was not supposed to go on this long, nor was I supposed to feel this stuck and drained, and I know I'm gonna regret so much of this in the future but I'm just holding out hope that I'll end up doing what I always do, find something new about myself that keeps me going a bit longer. It's just that this is the first time its not been about me hating myself fully, it's about stuff that is beyond my control, and the problems that keep stacking up are also beyond my control. I'm confident in myself but I know that it's going to take a long time to deal with all this stuff now, and it's honestly scaring me so much now."